Ajji always closed her eyes in pictures. It was always a matter of contention between us. When on family outings, I’d take great pains to gather my family in front of a reasonably acceptable background for a picture. After hollering and urging everyone to look at the camera, I’d take a snap. Within seconds of clicking the picture, they’d all disperse- like dandelion in the wind, each one engrossed in a fancy of their own. A quality check of the photo I just clicked would reveal that Ajji had closed her eyes.
“Ajji, kaN muchchidiri neevu!” I’d yell.
(“Ajji, you’ve closed your eyes!)
She’d come close, peer at the photo and laugh, like it was a hilarious affair. I’d scowl and brood, my photographic abilities having been severely insulted.
.
Another thing that was unique about ajji was the way she smiled when she was asleep. I’ve never seen anything quite like it..! Everytime she closed her eyes to sleep, her lips would always curve to a contented smile. It was something so pure- like the soft gurgling noise a baby makes when it laughs. Whenever I saw her sleep, it seemed like she was at peace with the world, and there was nothing in the Universe that could disturb her. On some days, it looked like she was reminiscing a happy incident of the distant past and on others, it looked like she was forgiving every soul that had wronged her. For all I knew, she could be planning the dinner menu, but I liked to think that she was in deep, profound thought. Maybe she was ruminating the day’s events, maybe she was planning on stitching baby clothes for my children. Whatever she was thinking of, that smile never changed.
.
Ajji had closed her eyes- forever. I was in the van which took her to the crematorium. Before getting on, I thought I couldn’t take it. I thought I’d be a weeping, hysteric mess. But strangely, when I sat in the van and looked at her face, that playful smile was still there, and I didn’t even cry. She was like a beacon of hope from beyond this realm. I admit, I didn’t know what to do or feel. I did what I thought was best.
.
I closed my eyes. And yes, it felt different. Eyes closed, Ajji could be with me again and maybe that’s why she closed her eyes too.
Cheers,
Deek 🙂 😀
Jot the Thought! 