“Sad. Sad is the definition of my life”, texts my friend on a chilly November evening. It breaks my heart, not just because he’s sad but because it shatters my mental image.
You see, in my mind, I like to build these Utopian palaces and hang pictures of people on walls of fame framed with love. I build these palaces brick by brick, piling one expectation on another, cementing them with my belief that everyone is doing alright in their lives and there’s nothing to worry about.
In my head, he was strong today.
In my head, his life was NOT sad.
“No it isn’t”, I feebly reply, vainly expecting him to feel better, but vowing to not rest till he walks into my perfect palace. “I’m not being productive” says my other friend but according to me he has finished practicing his guitar, studying for his internals and helping his mother make dinner. In my palace, I glide past his day and feel guilty for scrolling through others’ lives on Instagram but he begs to differ. Maybe in his mind, I am the perfect version that I aspire to be.
In my head, he was productive today.
What can you do when your teacher- your unwavering rock of support meets you with a tear streaked face saying he’s “deeply hurt” because of somebody’s words that drove daggers into his heart? My palace breaks- chandeliers on the ground, shards of glass piercing through the façade into reality.
In my head, nobody can be rude to him.
They say a reader lives a thousand lives, but I say we all do. You live a different life in the mind of every person you come across. These tiny virtual versions of us live on in some capacity, influencing others’ lives in unimaginable ways, fulfilling dreams that we couldn’t.
I heard in Sikkim that they jot down good thoughts on coloured flags and let them flutter in the wind. The more they flutter, more are the positive vibes. It’s crazy how something so fragile can have such a profound influence.
We are all fragile- just like my palace. No matter how many times it falls apart, I will rebuild it piece by piece. Brick by brick.
Because if you have nowhere else to go, you should be able to walk into my palace.
Cheers,
Deek 🙂 😀
Jot the Thought! 